Family and Fatherhood
I have been blessed to be born into a family where the meaning of family was lived moment by moment, day by day, and year by year. The rituals of family life, whether it was eating our meals together, walking to school and church, visiting relatives on holidays or during summer vacations; all formed an unshakable foundation as to what it meant to be part of a loving family. While perfect in my mind’s eye, let it be clear that the realties of life was not a fairy tell of happiness, void of life’s errors and mistakes that carry lifelong scars.
My family structure was similar to so many of our African American families of the 60’s, a loving mother working diligently to provide for her family by working meager jobs, all while making a “family home” out of row houses in the ghettos of Chicago’s far south side. Being the only male, and the youngest of three children; the confusion of male adolescence played out daily in the tough inner city as my older sisters played the roles of confidant, nurturer, friend and protector. While absent in the home, the role of husband and father played out throughout my childhood, with observations of grandfathers, uncles, deacons, pastors, teachers, and brother-in-laws. It was through these experiences and observations, my desire to be a father arose and what I believe shaped me into the father I choose to be today.
Being a father to me, is the essence of my being. It is what gets me up in the morning and what motivates me to strive and achieve in my professional career. It is how I define myself, a father first and foremost. I know some people may take exception to this, but I have to look no further than the scriptures which shows God’s ultimate sacrifice based on the foundation of a father’s love, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son….,”. Actually, I must confess that only after becoming a father did the magnitude and significance of God’s unwavering love toward us became meaningful and clear. For it was through experiencing the joy of my children’s achievements, the disappointment in their failures, and the excitement of them discovering portions of their destiny, did I ultimately understand how God’s sees us, his children. Never have I, nor will I ever stop loving, believing in, or helping my child work toward their destiny; likewise God as our heavenly father will never stop loving, believing and helping us work toward fulfilling the destiny which he has placed before us.
The birth of a child is one of life’s most exhilarating and awesome experiences that this life has to offer. I marvel at God’s process he designed to bring life into this world. His infinite wisdom assigned the responsibility of child birth to the mother. The growing child, formed from the intimate sharing of two individuals, placed in the mother’s womb, an incubator and protector of the child as it grows. The pain of the birthing process, which no man can, nor should ever try to interpret, is the precursor to the arrival of a new creation whose destiny and purpose known only by God. But what of the Father, on the sideline for nine months, on the front line for the remainder of the child life as he now, in my opinion of God’s infinite wisdom, takes on the primary role of provider, protector, incubator of hope and aspiration, champion of all things, coach of life (not just sports), confidant, teacher, judge and sometimes jury, dictator, and all other things a child may one day think to call their father. The role of the father is to be in the game of a child’s life, not on the sideline.
At first, my belief in what it meant to be father was shaped only by what I knew a father should not be….namely absent. While relationships may fail, the role of a father must continue as it is a totally separate and distinct role from being a husband, or boyfriend. Through my own loneliness, it was easy to know that it would be difficult to be an effective father if you are not where your children are. This is not about just being physically present, but present in who they are, what they are doing, and in what they are experiencing. Equally, not being physically present is not an excuse to give up on being an effective father. You still can be present in your child’s life regardless of the physical separation of distance
Truly, love knows no boundaries!
